Why Women Struggle with Receiving Help

Even now, as I write this in 2022, women still bear the brunt of the responsibilities, chores, and emotional labour within the home.

It’s maddening, isn’t it?

And exhausting, too.

From the invisible, ‘women’s work’ of childcare, grocery shopping, making doctor’s and dentist’s appointments (often for multiple generations) to taking care of gifts, family occasions, and keeping a tidy house, we are knackered. 

Not surprising really, is it?

The problem is quite complex.

Part of the issue is that the patriarchy still has its claws in the ways so many people think: the perception of women as primary caregivers, homemakers, and nurturers has remained, despite the fact we’re out in the workforce – a shift in the working world our grandparents simply wouldn’t recognise.

But with this evolution in the way we live and work, how we divide labour also needs to change, so that women in particular are no longer doing their day jobs followed by a ‘second shift’ at home.

We can begin by changing our own lives, and letting that ripple out.

Are you so worn out from being the only one who takes care of the cooking, the washing and the cleaning, that not only is resentment building up towards your partner and your kids, but the idea that anyone will ever help feels too far out of reach?

Perhaps you care for generations above and below and take on too much from people around you, propelling you towards burnout.

It feels absolutely unthinkable that support is available, let alone that you have the capacity to receive it.

When you think about receiving, what springs to mind?
Often, it’s wealth-related:
- Winning the lottery
- A sudden windfall
- Increasing your income

But it's not always about money.

In fact, far from it.

Receiving translates to every single area of our lives.
We can receive thanks and praise.
We can receive support and encouragement.
We can receive gifts.
We can receive space.
We can receive all sorts of amazing things.

But, if you’re blocked from receiving in one area, it’s pretty much a given that you’re blocked in others.

Our ability to receive is affected by so many things. 

Old beliefs, habits, or stories that have been passed down from generations above can really clutter our ability to receive.

Different generations and cultures might have various expectations and tacit assumptions about what receiving looks like – whether it’s around roles in the home, how compliments are given, or how much money we could or ‘should’ earn. 

Or, maybe it's something instilled in childhood about being able to receive, be it money, love, support, praise, or anything else.

In fact, receiving is quite the minefield! 

Your ability to receive is often highlighted in everyday encounters, perhaps without you even realising it.

For example, if you’re complimented on your outfit and come straight back with: “This old thing? Ah, I got it on sale and just threw it on today,” or a similar deflection, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

Somewhere in your brain, you’ve become wired not to accept that compliment, or to feel awkward about simply saying: “Thank you! I really like it too.”

Maybe your friend offers to buy you a coffee, and you immediately waive your purse around in a frantic effort to beat them to it: “No no no, I’ll get this!”

Or, at work, perhaps your manager applauds you for a job well done. If every piece of your being feels embarrassed about accepting the praise and being perceived as big-headed, conceited, or above yourself, there are still more things to clear and let go of, before you can activate and practise owning being in receiving mode.

Have you recognised yourself in any of these examples?

The energy of pushing things away becomes so obvious once you become aware of it.

In fact, clients often tell me they feel themselves cringe when they’re aware of pushing something away. 

Awareness is a great place to start, and re-learning to receive is like training a muscle: you become stronger at it over time.

Often, we have to literally re-learn to receive – particularly women. 

Women can be so indoctrinated with the idea that we need to ‘do it all’ – a throwback from generations past, mixed in with our own self-applied pressure.

Different aspects of your life need work at any given point in time. 

I always say it's like an onion: we keep peeling away, and there's more to discover. 

If this resonates with you, get in touch and let’s start a conversation – I’d love to delve more into the subject and guide you on your journey to receiving.

Carolyn x